Lets Play Pretend...

I’ve had a bit of a rough day… I’m trying to be positive and see the silver lining… I was doing a good job of it too until I went to dinner and saw a guy that I dated at dinner with another girl. You see, the reason why I’m frustrated isnt necessarily because he was with the other girl, but rather that we stopped dating because of how busy we both were, especially him. This happened around mid february. We continued to see each other randomly through most of March. It was probably a stupid decision because it led to me still feeling attached to him when there wasn’t any real commitment between us. Anyway, not the point, what frustrates me is the fact/idea that we dated for about a month and then I got ‘traded in for a better version”… someone else described it to me that way and it stuck in my head. I’m realizing now that this is exactly what happened to me and this isn’t the first time its happened… What is wrong with me? Why wouldn’t he have wanted to stay with me or make it work with me? Not even just him… I just dont get what I am doing wrong or what is wrong with me as a whole. Most people would spit back the standard feel better lines: There’s nothing wrong with you… He doesn’t deserve you… blah blah blah… but I honestly wonder if something about me is just off…

I guess I don’t really have one favorite band or musician at the end of the day. The music I listen to is very eclectic in style and I listen to a little bit of every genre. I was raised on country music and I love how the songs tell a story and are more than just words strung together to rhyme. I love Shania Twain, Garth Brooks, Keith Urban, Rascal Flatts, Taylor Swift, Brooks and Dunn, and Carrie Underwood… Its a mix between older country and the new pop-country.

I really listen to anything tho… I’ve been introduced to a lot more R&B and Hip Hop since my brother came to live with us two years ago and I have found a much deeper appreciation for this style of music.

Of course pop music is a must and anything from Rob Thomas to Justin Beiber (yes I have Beiber fever) can be found on my ipod… I’m just not picking and I can find songs of any genre that I like and dislike.

Some bands/artists I generally really like:

Matchbox 20, A Day To Remember, Akon, Lil Wayne, We the Kings, Justin Beiber, Mumford and Sons, Sammy Adams <3, Mike Posner, Usher, VV Brown, Sara Barellis, Train, Kanye West, Keri Hilson… the list just goes on and on…

Basically, if your music makes me think, has a good storyline, or is something I can relate to, I’m gonna enjoy it!

1. Ireland… I have been drawn to this country since before I can remember. The beauty of this country, even just in pictures, overwhelms me and it is the place I most look forward to going.

2. I want to tour Western Europe and see the sights just like any other tourist, but I really want to visit the many battle fields and the concentration camps and the many serious things. Its not all fun and happy like a normal vacation, but WWII is my favorite thing to study in history and so much of it took place here.

3. Australia… My baby sister is dying to go here and I must admit it would be amazing to take a trip here. I told my sisters that when the baby graduated from high school the three of us will take a trip together and so far Australia is looking like the place to go!

4. South America/Africa…yes I know these places are very different, but the reason behind these two locations is the fact that I want to join the peace corps at some point in my life and this is where I would want to go.

5. Boston… well really I want to go all over New England, but I really want to explore Boston and possibly live there someday. It has so much culture and so much history and I cant wait to steep myself in it!

So as you all can see, my tumblr name is “let’s play pretend”. I picked this because I found a photo on a website of a little girl in dress up clothes, wearing a crown, and holding a flower, and across the photo read “let’s play pretend”. At first it just reminded me of myself as a child, always playing the princess, and how simple life used to be, and then later as I thought more and more about it, it struck a much deeper chord. To me “let’s play pretend” makes me think of a place where people are actually nice to one another and where they respect one another, differences and all. It reminds me that at this point in my life, people expect me to start acting like an adult, but that childhood does not have to be lost or forgotten. While yes, I need to act like an adult, be mature, and live my life in a productive and positive way, I do not need to lose the simple pleasure found the in the little things, I do not need to lose the joy and laughter in the mundane day to day routine, and that being an adult does not mean losing your imagination. The things and people on this blog inspire me and help me to believe in the above ideas. “Let’s Play Pretend” is my way of hoping for a brighter tomorrow…

So sadly, I cannot complete this task in the detail that is technically required. I have had literally one of the longest and most draining days of my life. The idea of being having someone assault me in the most private of ways disgusts me and scares me. The fact that this happened to someone I am close to and care about rattles me deeply. So in the depth of detail I can record here on the internet this was my day. At 12:15 my friend confided me what had happened, from there the next two hours were a blur of police reports and interviews. At 2am we ventured to the hospital where we spent the next 8 hours in exam rooms and the emergency room lobby waiting to be seen and have everything taken care of. At 6ish I made a Mcdonald’s breakfast run because we were all starving at the hospital. Finally, at 9:20ish we were able to go home where I honestly crashed until about 2pm. At this point, I returned the countless text messages that I had received while sleeping the day away, followed by talking to my ex boyfriend as well as my sister. I tried to do some homework, but the exhaustion won out and I feel back asleep until about 6pm when I woke up to shower before going to get ice cream with my best friend and her boyfriend to celebrate my birthday. That chocolate ice cream was so freakin delicious. After ice cream, I came home, once again tried to do some homework, but have ended up wondering around the internet avoided the dreaded tasks. I apologize because this wasn’t a very interesting day to blog about, but in reality, it was one of the most emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting days I have EVER experienced. I’m not even sure I can really process what has happened yet and what comes next. Maybe tomorrow…

Dislikes:

1. lying… I just dont see the point in it. Be honest with me please and I’ll be honest with you. Lying makes you lie over and over and over again and nothing good comes from that.

2. chewing with your mouth open… It just really grosses me out and is not good manners. This goes for gum as well… especially for ladies, when you are chomping on gum in public (which im guilty of as well) it is just not very attractive.

3. not following through… If you say you are going to do something, do it, it is as simple as that.

4. making excuses… Things happen and things don’t always go your way, but you need to accept that and not make excuses for a bad outcome. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions.

5. my room being a mess… yes this is completely my own fault and I totally recognize it. I try and keep my room clean, but I swear it just explodes sometimes when I’m not home… every weekend means clean up time.

6. procrastination… I’m a huge procrastinator and I really hate it… I gotta break that habit!!! maybe tomorrow ;)

7. continual rain… Rain is really nice when you are watching it from inside all nice and warm or that first few minutes when its all fresh and smells good, but when it rains for days on ends and I have to be out in it for classes and everything else, its just not fun or enjoyable any more.

8. being mean… I don’t see a point in being purposely mean to people and there are purposely mean people out there. I have my rude moments, most people do, but I try very hard to never be deliberately mean to anyone.

9. getting really excited about a movie, aka Harry Potter, Twilight, when you have never read the book… don’t pretend like you understand it and are a die hard fan… if you were, you would have read the book and you would know what happens. 

10. girls who hate their bodies… I am one of these girls. I am in a much healthier place than I once was and I work everyday to stay in the healthy place I am in. I work out, I try and eat healthy, and I try and make sure I think positive thoughts about my body and appreciate all it does for me. I work with my residence and other young women to also appreciate their bodies rather than hate on them and live unhealthy lifestyles.

Likes: 

1. Reading… its a simple pleasure in my life. Any time I can take a few moments to get lost in a book, I am completely happy.

2. dancing… dancing is the best stress reliever, exercise, tension release, most fun I can possible think of. When I am dancing, whether it be in a studio, my room, or a random parking lot with friends, I am most myself and most content with the world.

3. mexican food… get me some authentic tacos or a good burrito and my life is pretty much complete. Throw some chips and fresh pico de gallo in there and I’ll be in heaven. 

4. sushi… when its fresh its the best. I know, this is my second food entry in a row, but I really love food… Sushi is delicious and healthy and such a fun food to eat!

5. working out… and this means at the gym for me or doing a structured workout. I love cycling and doing my ab workout and being able to see the results of it. It makes me feel healthy and in charge of my body and my life.

6. running… not long distance, but a quick night run to clear my mind is one of the best ways to end the day!

7. wool socks… how can you not love wool socks, when my tootsies are toasty, I’m a happy kid. 

8. cuddling… it can be my little sister, my dog, or the boy of the month, but being wrapped up with someone else, knowing they care about you, and feeling close to them just feels so good.

9. disney movies… I’m talking the classics! Lion King, Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, and 101 Dalmations… these are the best and can always bring a smile to my face.

10. my sisters… they are my best friends and my pride and joy. I’m not sure they realize how much they mean to me, but they truly are my world. I can’t put it into words anymore than that…